Pronouns are a handy shorthand. Let me tell you about how we use them to communicate and how they function in society, too. Using them isn’t as easy as it might seem.

Pronouns Need Context

They explain him. She describes it. 

The previous two sentences are puzzling without context. Pronouns need context so that writer and reader share a mutual understanding of the people, places, or things referenced by pronouns such as he, she, they, etc.

When we can quickly refer to any object in writing, or in conversation, the language we choose has more variety. Done well, pronouns make it easier to comprehend meaning and they make language lyrical so we’re more likely to pay attention and understand.

An example without pronouns: Natalie creates beautiful cards. Weekly, Natalie sends cards made-by-Natalie to friends and family. Natalie enjoys sending mail.

A more enjoyable example with pronouns: Natalie creates beautiful cards. Joyfully, she sends her cards to friends and family every week.

Normalize Pronoun Check-ins

Social justice is in the news every week as we collectively strive for a more inclusive and understanding society. One way we can obtain that kind of society is to normalize pronoun check-ins to ensure individuals of all gender identities and cultures feel included. Knowing what to use when referring to specific individuals is evolving as more and more people come to understand gender identity and cultural diversity. Let’s take steps to normalize pronoun check-ins.

People whose physical appearance and/or name matches their preferred pronouns may struggle to understand why check-ins are important. By normalizing pronoun check-ins, you contribute to an inclusive society that doesn’t segregate or draw extra attention to people who are transgender, non-binary, or gender non-conforming.

Avoid misgendering

Using language that reflects the wrong gender is misgendering. For example, don’t use the honorific “mister” to address someone who identifies as a woman and requests you use she/her to address her. When you misgender someone it deepens the loss of their identity and draws unwanted and unnecessary attention. While it can be an innocent mistake, apologize promptly when you misgender someone and do your best not to repeat the mistake.

Culturally diverse names can also make it difficult to identify gender based on names alone. As a teacher, I see hundreds of names from dozens of cultures each year. While I’m culturally curious, I’m not knowledgeable about all the names in the world and their gender conventions.

In addition, many names are gender neutral. Sometimes, a name is feminine in one culture while the same name is masculine in another culture. Having long thought of Amber as a female name from my Canadian perspective, I recently learned that it is a male name in another culture, for example. Without asking, it’s impossible to know if I should address Amal, Chris, Malak, Alex, Blake, Adi, Kyle, Aviv, Chandra, and Drew as they/them, he/him, or she/her.

New social conventions for pronouns

The social conventions around asking about pronouns are new and evolving. Some schools, nonprofits, advocates, and other organizations are early adopters, exploring different ways to incorporate pronoun information into existing processes. In my classroom, for example, I ask students to introduce themselves in the first lesson by sharing answers to a few questions including their preferred name, pronouns, fields of study, and superpowers (or some other fun question depending on my pop culture mood)! Everyone answers all the questions so there’s no need for a transgender person to feel awkward sharing their pronouns. It’s simply something everyone must do.

Industries, social groups, and businesses are observing and adapting to echo what the early adopters are doing. Still more are unaware of the issue and have yet to take any action. It’s a work in progress.

What Pronouns Should I Use?

Using correct pronouns is a sign of respect and taking time to find out someone’s preferences demonstrates care and concern for those around you.

Here are some ways to share your pronouns and, hopefully, learn other people’s pronouns:

• Note your pronouns on social media accounts. This can be part of the profile name and/or included in any short biography.
• Add your pronouns to the display name on Zoom, Skype, Teams, and other video chat channels.
• List your pronouns in email signatures.
• Ask attendees to state their names, positions, and pronouns when introductions are made before a meeting.
• Request that your students include their pronouns in written introductions.
• Be alert to individuals who state their pronouns, and reciprocate in kind. Become a person who takes the time to share your pronouns in every introduction.
• Make space on name tags to include pronouns. Conference organizers, schools, and social planners can facilitate this. If not, use a marker to add yours or wear a pin on your lanyard declaring your pronouns.
• Use “Mx.” as a gender-neutral honorific if you’re not sure whether Mr., Ms., Mrs., or Miss are appropriate.

Historically, masculine pronouns like he/him were used when gender was unknown. Today, it is considered gender-neutral and inclusive to use the singular forms of they, them, and their until pronoun preferences are confirmed.

Incorrect pronoun usage makes most people uncomfortable. It brings identity into question. To counteract that discomfort, we can all take steps to normalize pronoun check-ins.

We All Make Pronoun Mistakes

Even the most vigilant pronoun user will make mistakes from time to time. You might misgender someone or forget to share your pronouns. You’ll use plural when you mean singular. You’ll mess up when you try to use possessive pronouns. It happens to everyone, even professional writers and devoted activists.

Much like environmental citizenship, the goal is for everyone to make their best effort. Apologize when you make a mistake. Correct errors when you can. Collectively, pronouns and the people they refer to will be better served when we all contribute to inclusive, diverse pronoun use.

Written with Respect

While I’ve taken steps to inform myself about gender identity and pronoun use, my understanding is continually evolving. This article was written with respect and intended as an accessible resource for my readers. To ensure I am sharing the best practices, I will update this page as new information comes to my attention. If you have suggestions to improve this resource, please get in touch. For the record, my pronouns are she/her.